I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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