So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
