I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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