Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
