you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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