I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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