I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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