can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize