I need help removing her.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize