You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
