I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
