This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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