I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
