I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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