what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
