If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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