there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
