also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
