By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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