i can't believe i had my finger in that
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
