i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
