I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
