i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
