We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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