According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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