so explain again why im purple
no
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
