I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
