I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Randomize
