Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
