so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
