Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize