i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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