these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
