he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
