the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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