can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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