I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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