one might say we're banned from that church
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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