is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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