remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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