It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
