She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
