I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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