That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
