I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
