I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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