hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
