Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
