he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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