So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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