Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
