My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your dad touched me again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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