oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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