how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
