high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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