She announced her abortion via fbk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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