i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
