sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
