So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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