the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
