I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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