it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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