Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
