How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
