this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
