guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
