I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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